When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
