i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
