I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Come see our sink grown plant.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
