There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
