I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dear god my vagina.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
