Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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