$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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