I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
