If that was your dad, he is hot
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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