i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
