): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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