After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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