TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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