woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
