After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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