There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
