We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
