The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
