Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize