Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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