When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
