My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
