You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
