five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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