Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
