i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
