Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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