Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
