what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize