I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
