Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
