I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
