I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
