I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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