Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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