I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
