there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
