i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
