babies were throwing up all over the place
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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