Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
