how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
