my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
