I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
