Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
