just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
