you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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