he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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