What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
