i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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