He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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