Who did Billy Mays play for?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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