I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Im part way to drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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