She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
