Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Couch. On fire.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
