I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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