I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
