I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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