yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
