i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I know her cup size but not her name....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
