wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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