if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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