Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
