I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
