so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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