Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
