I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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