I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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