She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
